| | Sometimes, it's really easy to take a look around, and feel like a failure. Especially when where I am now is juxtaposed with where I've been. I'm twenty four years old, I live with my parents, and I have a job that pays 600 a month. Wow. Just two years ago, I was king of the world. I was in college, living on my own, supporting myself for the most part with just a little help from scholarships. I had a ton of friends, and an amazing girlfriend. I know looking back is no way to go forward, and I reminisce often on this blog, but I can't help it. It's where I've been. And I don't really have a lot going on to right about nowadays, anyway. It seems like my whole life has been lived on inertia, and it's finally slowed to a crawl, and for the life of me, I can't figure out how to get the ball rolling again.
And I know what brought this wave of nostalgia upon me. We had our December show tonight, and she was there. With him. It kills me to see the two of them together, it really does. I can't harbor any ill will toward him, that's the most frustrating part. e really is an okay guy. I see them and I can't help but think, maybe that could have been me. Maybe if I had just tried a little harder, been a little more successful, a little smarter, a little more charming, a little better, just maybe that could've been me. But I digress. Or maybe I don't.
And really, things aren't that bad. Okay, so maybe they are, but I don't expect them to stay that way. One should always expect obstacles when they've had to reboot like I did. But there's still that frustration, that I did all that work for naught, and that fear, that what if this bombs, too, what if I'm still not on the right path? Greatness takes time. I'm young now, but if I take to long to get started on something, I'm simply not going to have the time to excell at it. My feet get so stilled by indecision, paralyzed by the worry that I'm in the wrong business. And yes, I hate his guts. I hate him for doing what I can't seem to do. I hate him for winning her, when she stayed just outside my reach, and I hate him for his success in every other area. Just thought I'd mention that.
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| | Posted 12/13/2008 12:32 AM - 1 View - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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